On Procrastination & Holiness
Reflections from Parashat Emor
I have been meaning to start this newsletter for months. Or according to the Substack calendar, TWO ENTIRE YEARS. (That technically is months…just quite a lot of them all next to each other.)
Meaning to.
Then three weeks ago, I decided I was finally going to start. I set soft parameters. I set intentions & briefly brainstormed ideas for topics & prompts. I bought a new planner. I set a goal date for my first publication. Then I promptly avoided writing for the next two weeks. Ugh.
The truth is that I could happily go on in the planning phase of this project indefinitely. I am GREAT at thinking through, mapping out, calendaring. Detail work like that appeals directly to my Virgo nature. But I’ve come to realize that, for me, obsessive planning is just procrastination. It’s actually one of the ways that I waste much of my time. But I find beginning, actually DOING THE THING, incredibly diffuclt. Insurmountable at times.
Then this weekend I determined I need to start this in the middle. In media res. Without an introduction, without explaining the wither-tos & the why-fors. Why the name? What’s the purpose? All in good time, for me & for you. Otherwise, I’ll gladly take that as an excuse to crawl back inside my own head & lean into procrastination & waste time forever. Otherwise, I will never start.
So when I read Parashat Emor1 yesterday morning, it seemed quite fitting that one of the main points of this section of Torah concerns holiness in time. There is, of course, much to be made of this subject in Jewish sacred text & much ink has been spilled on it throughout the millennia. The parsha itself directly addresses the establishment of the biblical pilgrimage & festival holy days, saying, “These are My fixed times, the fixed times of Adonai, which you shall proclaim as sacred occasions” (Lev. 23:2). We are not to put off our obligations of connecting with the Divine, & we are not to do it on our own schedule. Time, in fact, is the sole element of creation that carries the designation of holiness—not humans, not stars, not trees. None of the objects of creations are called holy; it is only when creating the seventh day that God first uses that word.
And our obligation to observe the “fixed times” of God, our obligation to live in accordance with the Jewish calendar, is part of the holiness code. While time itself is intrinsically holy, the Torah is pretty clear that for humans, it is our actions (& the intentions behind them) that make us holy. So, our living in rhythm with the Jewish year, observing the holy days, festivals, sabbaths—this contributes to our holiness. It is our intentionality and our attention to the passing of time that sanctifies us.
According to Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, it’s one of the most important aspects of Jewish spiritual life. In The Sabbath, he writes,
It is the dimension of time wherein man meets God, wherein man becomes aware that every instant is an act of creation, a Beginning, opening up new roads for ultimate realizations. Time is the presence of God in the world of space, and it is within time that we are able to sense the unity of all beings.
It is our closeness with God in time that deepens our awareness of the core reality of being— that every moment is an unfolding; a process of becoming; an ongoing, unending creationing.
So, I am working on this theory about the chet2 of wasting time. Procrastination as an active negation of holiness. Procrastination as a refusal of the Divine. After all, what is procrastination but wasting time?
I do not, in my efforts to avoid writing a paper (random example), go volunteer my time at an animal shelter. I should, but I don’t. Instead, I busy myself with menial chores & other work, or I scroll endlessly on Pinterest & check my email obsessively. I waste the time I should be using more intentionally.
If time is holy, then is wasting time akin to wasting holiness? If I am attentive to holy time—that of Shabbat & the holy days—but not the passage of mundane time, is that good enough?
In Emor, it seems that the Torah suggests all time should be used intentionally (& at least a dozen famous dead rabbis agree). After all, the Omer is seven weeks long & not all of it is considered what we’d call a holiday (holy day). Yet we must also be attentive to that mundane time of the Omer, marking it too with a blessing as each day passes. We still do this even as the meaning has changed over the centuries; as it was written, “This is a law for all time in all your settlements throughout the ages” (Lev. 23:21). This continued practice indicates that, because time itself is inherently holy in Judiasm, there is a blurring of the lines between “holy days” & mudane days on our calendar & in our lives. We must, therefore, be intentional with all the days, all the hours, even when we are not following the proscriptions of “holy days.”
Rav Kook writes, ““Sin stupefies the heart of a person” by virtue of it being a sin. Therefore, there is no difference between a person eating forbidden foods and frivolous activity or wasting time that could be spent on Torah study. Aside from being a sin, it also stupefies his heart.”3
So, it is a sin to waste time, particularly because the time we are wasting can always be used for studying Torah, which must be a central focus in the life of a religious Jew. I, of course, would argue for a more expansive view than just using that time for Torah study. There are so many important acts of holiness we could be committing in the time we waste.
And Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Shapira writes that “one who is lazy or lax destroys a part of his life, by wasting time.”4 Shapira equates wasting time with laziness or laxity. It’s a lack of discipline. One who is wasting time (by procrastinating) lacks zerizut, the quality of alertness or haste in which we rush to do a mitzvah. So, we can look at wasting time as the opposite of doing a mitzvah.
Virtually all mitzvot, especially those within the holiness code of Leviticus, are designed to bring us closer in relationship with God. This is how we become holy. So, it seems the rabbis throughout history have also been concerned with wasting time as an obstacle to holiness. They were not writing strictly about sacred time but mundane time as well. We may not think about the mitzvot as an exercise in intentional living & mindfulness, rather we may think of them as restrictive or burdensome. But what if their purpose is to make us more aware of how we are using our time & our energy? In becoming aware, we become more likely to change our behavior to take on more positive qualities like zerizut. This is the way to holiness!
So, I have been missing an opportunity to connect with the Divine by procrastinating starting my Substack (& my personal writing more generally) for a frankly absurd length of time. Not only have I been wasting my natural gift as a writer, but I have been wasting the chance(s) to put more torah out into the world. That’s not great. Then again, I’m not beating myself up about it. But my awareness of the problem can now serve as the basis for my teshuvah, my turning toward intentionality.
PROMPTS:
· Do you also have a problem with procrastination? Is there something you’ve been “meaning to” do but you always find some excuse to put off doing? Write a poem about what you are very busy NOT doing. What are you doing instead? Why?
· One of the underlying causes of my procrastination is an endless struggle with perfectionism. An article on LinkedIn states, “Procrastinators may delay starting a task because they fear not being able to meet their own high standards. The desire for flawless results becomes a barrier to taking action, leading to further delays and increased anxiety.”5 Yet I think when we truly examine what we find the most beautiful, valuable, or important to us, we’ll notice that they are far from perfect. We’re drawn to them almost because of their flaws rather than despite them. Our own imperfection seeks out its likeness in others. Write a poem about the imperfectness of something or someone you love.
· There are many things in our lives that have fixed times. In fact, as creatures of habit, humans create their own fixed times around rituals that they do every day or at least with fair regularity. For instance, you may wake up at the same time every day & do sun salutation before davening. Maybe you always clean the house on Friday afternoons while listening to the same 90s alternative rock playlist. Write a poem about a fixed time or a ritual you’ve created in your life.
Here is a brief poem about imperfection. It was inspired by a dream I had of my mother sleeping in her garden, as well as a story she told me about her conversion process.
*Poems & photos, unless otherwise credited, are always my own work. Please do not steal them. That’s mean & totally not holy.
Phytoextraction My mother buries her dishes in the backyard to make them clean again. She says an old yente once told her that tilled earth purifies. Restores holiness—or wholeness— Even though my mother is no longer Jewish, she still keeps the ritual. Under slow bruise of dawn burying baby shoes, mixtapes, frying pans. Filling the garden with tum’ah. She remembers the jagged penny taste of unkosher. A fleck of blood in the yolk. A spot of blood on the sheets. At night, she pulls a weighted blanket of loam to her chin. My God, keep my lips from evil & my tongue from telling lies, she begins. In summer, sunflowers cover the bed.
Stay tuned for more next week! I may not always focus on the parsha hashavua, (thanks for reading my d’var), but I will always seek to connect my reflections/teachings & prompts with the movement of the Jewish calendar, sacred texts, or Jewish philosophy.
Weekly section of Torah reading, found here: https://www.sefaria.org/Leviticus.21.1-24.23?lang=bi&aliyot=0
One of the Hebrew words for “sin,” although its true meaning is more along the lines of missing the mark or falling short of expectations (God’s or your own). A “sin” is something that separates us from our inner spark of Godness. It is what turns us away from holiness & from the essence of our selves.
Rabbi Abraham Isaac HaCohen Kook, Musar Avicha, 1:4, found here: https://www.sefaria.org/Musar_Avikha.1.4.2?ven=Mussar_Avicha%3B_On_Morals,_Ethics,_and_Character_Development._Trans._Joshua_Gerstein,_2023&lang=bi
Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Shapira of Wasrsaw, Chovat haTalmidim, Instructions & Admonitions, 1:21, found here: https://www.sefaria.org/Chovat_HaTalmidim%2C_Instructions_and_Admonitions.21?ven=Sefaria_Edition_2021,_Translated_by_Rabbi_Francis_Nataf.&lang=bi
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/psychology-procrastination-unraveling-minds-resistance-action/